Grief and Loss

I’ve been going through a rough patch these last few weeks and started seeing a counsellor to talk about my issues and establish some strategies for dealing with them.

One of my biggest issues was self-doubt, and mixed with that was my insatiable desire to think about all the terrible things that had happened and were going to happen. It took some counselling to realize that a big part of the solution was determining what was actually happening, not just what I was thinking. I spoke with a couple of people who had some answers about things I was doubting and, boom, doubts gone.

The things I was doubting were not about me, but about situations or other people, over which I have little to no control. There was no reason to dwell on problems that weren’t mine.

My other big issue was dealing with loss. I felt that my sadness had gone on much too long and was much heavier than I thought appropriate and normal. I’d read through some information about the five stages of grief and loss (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) and felt that I’d gone through a good chunk of them and was really just waiting for the acceptance. I’m still waiting.

And, apparently, that’s okay. It’s more a sign of what the loss means to me than how badly I’m handling it. I’m handling it by being sad and I’m alright with that.

I was recently told that I hadn’t really been myself lately and that’s probably true. But at the same time, this is me. This is me being sad for more than a few days. This is me feeling a loss that is maybe less resolved than the loss of a grandparent, aunt or uncle, someone who’s loss can be understood. But in this case, the loss is something that feels like it can be undone, which it can’t, or at least not easily, so it lingers.

So my advice to you is that when you’re sad, upset, frustrated, confused, doubting yourself, whatever’s making you feel uncomfortable, talk to your friends or your family, or find a professional. This is something we all go through and we can help each other.

I’ll leave you with two great posts from Leo Babauta that helped me some: