The title question was going to be, “What do I need?” But I think this can apply to most everyone, and I’m going to try to be proactive. I realized recently that I need to be told exactly what people need, I can’t be guessing. I need to make it clear that I expect to be told exactly what people need, and in return I will try to be clear about what I need. I can’t help solve problems when I don’t really know what the problem is, and I can’t expect to get that information if I don’t ask.
When my relationship ended several weeks ago, it was a very vague ending. And I was trying to let go of something that I wasn’t certain was over, and that I still didn’t want to be over. But I was left with questions and I was without my best friend, who had the answers. I felt very much alone and questioning a good part of myself.
I managed to get the answers I needed, though I may have inappropriately forced the issue. But it made me realize that I need to hear the words, and I need to make sure that my need is understood. Because when I all I hear is “for now” and the reality is “forever,” I need to know that. And I need it to be known that I need to know.
I don’t know why it took me so long to realize this. I worked for a time in a technical support call centre and I remember how difficult it was to get callers to properly explain their problem. We’d go round and round before it turned out an internet problem was actually a printer problem.
I’ve decided I’m going to try to be clearer in my personal and professional exchanges to make my expectations understood, so that there aren’t lingering questions, I’m solving the right problems and everyone gets what they need.